Thelsim

Is he calling him Mark Nato yet?

Yea it was the “small dollar donors” part that threw me off.
Well done, you :)

I hate that I genuinely can’t tell if this is satire or not. The quoted parts at least.

I had a bit too much fun with these :)

Magical Items

• The Bandwidth Cap
  Cursed item that limits the magical power of it’s wearer
• The Token Ring
  Magical ring that allows the wielder to communicate over large distances. They can receive messages from one token ring and send message to another.
• The Memory Barrier
  Protective charm that shields the mind from intrusion.
• The Shadow Register
  A magical ledger that records secrets and hidden locations in the immediate area.
• The Superscalar
  A legendary shimmering sword that can strike multiple foes in a single attack.

Spells

• Loopback
  Redirects a spell to its point of origin.
• Jabber
  Causes the target to produce incoherent speech and lose its train of thought.
• Branch Prediction
  Gives the caster foresight to predict their opponent’s next action.
• Traceroute
  A tracking spell that reveals the path of a target.
• Mask
  Hides the caster’s true identity.
• Hypertransport
  Enables instantaneous movement over short distances.
• Interrupt
  Counterspell to disrupt an enemy’s casting.

Spell modifiers

• Broadcast
  Modifies spell to affect a large area.
• Unicast
  Modifies spell to affect a single point with maximum damage.
• Multicast
  Modfies spell to affect multiple selected targets.
• Repeater
  Modifies spell to recast itself over multiple turns.

I hate stinging nettles so much… They’re always the first to pop up in spring and ruin an otherwise nice walk in the forest.