you know what, it’d be real neat if skeletons were largely assumed to be good because they’re a common result of evil zombies being bathed in purifying divine fire.
A vile necromancer raises your corpse, enslaving you against your will and forcing you to do horrible things (probably murdering your family and shit).
Then a paladin comes along and fucking nukes the flesh off your bones, freeing you from your torment and giving you a second lease of life. Hell yeah you’d join their church.
Bag of Olding: A very generously sized bag of holding, however it unfortunately speeds up the passage of time significantly inside it. Don’t store food in it!
Harder tack: Magically compressed ships biscuits, commissioned by an admiral who heard of lembas bread but found it too expensive. His corpse was found in the harbour waters a week later.
One contains enough calories to last you a week of hard work, but you need a chisel and a sledgehammer to crack it into pieces and one hand-sized biscuit weighs 3kg. It tastes like cement dust.
you can show it to a sailor and they’ll start uncontrollably screaming in horror
if you clack two pieces together the sound is loud enough to rupture eardrums
i hawe a fudden defiwe fow wabbit
bag of holding, but the encantment is on the futz so it’s only like 10% larger on the inside.
have you looked at simplex? at a glance it seems robust and it actually works without much fiddling which is nice.
wizard who turns into a sorcerer after chugging 15 clarity potions in a row to cram their studies in a single night
they are no longer able to sleep, are constantly slightly tired and jumpy, and will reflexively cast cantrips when startled.
Monk: Hey, check this out! punches you in the face
is checking the thing’s fucking spec sheet intensive research? do you get AI summaries of your own shopping list?
i have to wonder if people even research the things they buy or if they just walk into the store with 2000€ and say “give me a washing machine”, and never see the machine until the crew comes home to install it.
It’s an expensive piece of machinery that is going to be a core part of your home for like 10 years, check the manual and online reviews to make sure it doesn’t have a major flaw you’d be unhappy with, please.
i don’t get why people use web services for rss, it can be done completely clientside, that’s… kind of the whole point of rss…
huh? any serious marketplace has cheap or free basic insurance for purchases.
please tell me they experience different flavours from gems, like they’re candy, but the other party members keep trying to taste gems and it’s always just flavourless crystal.
and every now and then your sorcerer meets someone who shares their baffling ability to use gems as infinite gobstoppers, and they start enthusiastically chatting about what materials and cuts are best, as everyone else just looks on in confusion and exasperation
slightly neurotic diviner who almost always knows what’s optimal, and struggles between doing the obviously ideal thing or rejecting that and knowingly doing something suboptimal so they aren’t just a puppet to the magic
just have an enchanted fitting booth, sealed floor to ceiling and the door leaves no gap.
because you want a thinking thrall, not something you have to all but manually puppet.
necromancer that offers terminally ill/old or desperate people a significant stipend to their family, in return for being painlessly killed and brought back as an undead servant.
and because it’s good free PR, the necromantic thralls get to visit their family (or just pen letters if on campaign) during downtime.
They’re not empathetic or anything, they just don’t have any desire to actively harm normal people and recognize that being at least mostly tolerated makes everything easier.
“you pick up the concept of a forking road, reaching into the fabric of reality and ripping it asunder grants you a mercifully swift death as the narrative underpinning your existence unravels and the DM thwacks your motive spirit over the head with a giant inflatable hammer.”