and they all drive hot pink Corvettes. Why do Yuppie women over 40 today look like they are eating two sausages at once?

They are the aliens from They Live trying to normalize their appearance before removing the masks?

They’re trying to synthesize the two Republican fetishes: children, and blonde-haired blue-eyed Aryans.

If you’re none of those things, trying to look like that artificially leads to some wacky results.